Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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