i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
