If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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