I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
