Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
