There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
