dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
