i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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