its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So much rum. So many feels.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
