I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Panties = found
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
