I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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