so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
