Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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