It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
