is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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