And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
