I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
