I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
