Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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