i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
