I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
