As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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