The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Everything about him screamed your future.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
