im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
