why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
