I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
