apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
