her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
