I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
