i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
