I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
