this beer tastes like vomit already
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
