we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize
