i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
