Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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