in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
