I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
whose parrot is this?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
