New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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