i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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