god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
