I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
