Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
