forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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