I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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