Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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