highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Farmville is her only friend.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
