You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
