just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
