i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
