Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
