The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
