I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My vagina is very pro this idea
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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