I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
