You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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