i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
