i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
