is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
NoShamevember. You game?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
