I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
