I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
