I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
