Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
