i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
