I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
