Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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