Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
