Is it because I queefed?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
