girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
