My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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