TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
