Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
