The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
