i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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