I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
