I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
