There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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