Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Is it because I queefed?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
