ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
