She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
