im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He did a backflip because drugs
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