would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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