i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
