im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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