I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize