At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
